my little ticking timer.

I got my results back on the 6th. I’m being temporarily medically retired with a disability rating of 30% through the AF. once i’m fully separated I’ll take all my medical records to the VA and then they’ll possibly give me more.

so that’s that.

i’d been outside smoking (yes, as an asthmatic, i still smoke) and i’d been thinking about calling my contact and asking. i didn’t want to be annoying so i decided not to. walked back inside, logged on to my computer, and saw an email from her. lots of attachments. my mind started flickering and i couldn’t focus on anything; all that registered was the attachment that said “separation worksheet” and “please come see me”.

i forwarded everything to everyone that needed copies.

and then i just sat there, in shock.

 honestly i’ve thought this whole time that i’d be separated, but i didn’t believe that it could actually happen. i’ve worked so very, very hard over the last 5 years and it’s difficult to imagine doing anything else. not being a part of this system.

after a bit i collected myself, went to go tell my boss i had to run by the hospital, and started bawling. poor guy. then my CC walked in a wrapped me up in a hug, which i thought was very nice of him. my sobs were borderline hysterical by that point because whenever i’m upset and people are nice to me it always makes me want to cry that much harder. funny right?

<i wrote all that bit a week ago. much calmer now>

after my initial 48 hour freak out (stayed totally sober, yay me! i got this!) i realized….omfg i won’t be in the AF anymore. i get to be a college kid. only without the debt. omg. omg. omg.

so i’m applying to a school in town, for their graphic design major and hopefully i’ll get in. that starts on Jan 18th. My final day of work for the AF is 15 November if i’m not mistaken; which leaves me two months to dick around and be a bum. if i had tons of money saved up i would soooo go on a road trip and drive around being silly.  unfortunately i have a relative plethora of bills so that’s just not going to happen.

much as i’ve not loved living in this town, it is really cheap. the new 9/11 GIBill benefits will cover my tuition and rent and a couple of books even, then adding my disability pay it’s looking like i might not even have to work….which makes me so freaking happy. god.

i’m nervous about not having medical insurance. i’m worried that the VA will take a long time and i’ll be broke without an income. i’m scared that i’m too out of tune with being a fulltime student. and i’m very grateful for my extremely supportive friends who keep telling me i got this.

i totally got this.

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~ by manjamanis on October 22, 2010.

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