Totally Discovered Ancient History

I’ve become obsessed with Yahoo Answers… and I was looking up an essay I wrote some experiences about 3 years ago and discovered some really really old things I wrote. This one was an email that I had to laugh about.

 i think i explained my theory to you before, about how everyone is always so busy and responds to
emails so late that everyone else should just get used to it and stop apologizing for the delay. honestly- keeping in
touch is just hard to do. it hink its been that way forever, and so we should understand that already. like when
you don't see a bestest friend for years, and then all of a sudden things are back together like there was no time
in between. Those friends don't apologize too much, they just catch up and move on.. or at least i do with my
friends :)

 so your ex came to visit.. poor lost
puppy :) is she the one that you mentioned before, that lived in NY? you're
lucky that things were still so fun together. for me, when i re-see people i used
to be close to, if they don't make the first move i always feel alienated. I
have this complex where

 i don't think anyone will remember me.
at CRC i'd spend the day hanging out with some person i just met, when i'd see
them later on i'd never say hi bc i didn't want to intrude on the potential of
them thinking i was crazy.. maybe i am.

 what does west nile feel like? i had
malaria many times when i was younger and it was never any fun. the bones
always aaaaaache and i felt so old and weak, not to mention the body
temperature swings hotcoldhotcold all day long.. in highschool i always
insisted on going to school,  i'd usually
make it through first period, then the teacher would see me shivering with
teeth chattering and tell me to go home. 
your symptoms sound like an artists' slump, which might be helped by a
shower and a walk around the neighborhood. its amazing how being around

 other people and being active helps the
body heal. when i'm sad or nervous or anxious or mad i usually talk myself into
being sick too. my body and posessions usually reflect the state of my mind.
for instance, whenever i don't clean my room (which i do everyday) then
something is wrong. when i wander around wearing torn stained clothes with my
hair in a whitegirlafro all dazedlike, then something is definately wrong.

 the garage sale was interesting. harsh
to have people pick though my stuff and not like some of it. (usually when
people meet me they think i'm some sort of Mexican mix. wrong. i'm Portugese
German from my father, and Irish American Indian from my mother. i dont speak
any Spanish, but eventually i want to learn Portugese.. ) we had a bunch of
Chicano people come to the sale, and it was hilarious trying to understand
them. There were these 3 girl cousins that liked my clothes and i could
understand their gist everynow and then so i would sort of reply. Then they
would all start laughing and cracking jokes about me just pretending not to
understand, and

 they would all start chattering topspeed
loudly right at me.. :) Later on an old man came by and i was showing him a
bunch of beads i had. Prolly around $20 worth, because i had been collecting
them from all over the country and world. I used to make alot of jewelry but
lately i've been so busy and i can only imagine that will increase. The man
smelled like incense, so i was wondering maybe he was burning it in his car? We
were talking about it being pretty cold, so he started telling me about this
hot spring somewhere that he likes to go to, and how it is clothing optional.
Cool, right? He then started talking about all these girls he's massaged over
there, and that sometimes their spouse/boyfriends were there and sometimes not,
but it was all groovy because everyone was so openminded... Then apparently he
is going to the hot springs in November, sans wife, and it would be cool if i
was going to be there.. hmmmm... As he was leaving he paused by a pair of tacky
lace underwear that an ex bought and insisted i wear and gave me this creepy
smile and asked if i ever wore those. I was doing an internal prayerdance

 thing chanting 'please don't let him buy
them, please don't let him buy them' -he didn't thank God-  i've always told my friends that i was going
to get off a plane and meet a rich old man to marry and then i'd be set for
life.. i realized after meeting him that i just don't have the balls for it..
or maybe he doesnt ^.^

  i'm really struggling with leaving. please
allow yourself to feel complimented by the knowledge i'm only talking about
this with you. its easier because you're a screen on my computer, not someone
who has to listen to me cry.   i keep
trying to figure out exactly what it is that i'm so worried about and i can't.
I've left friends and family and boyfriends so many times

 already. Last summer was horrible
though. I was around my family 24/7, and i didn't have any quiet time. my only
alone time was in the shower, and i spent alot of time curled up in the bottom
crying.    i think i'm anxious about
leaving this boyfriend. in the past, every time i've left, i've always met
someone new right away. I make friends easily and when i'm lonely i cling. each
boyfriend  i've ever had has always been
better than the last one. This one, Craig, is my best friend. I've told him
things i've never told anyone else.. despite his opinion that he's never

 wrong, he always says exactly what i
need even if its not nice to hear. he doesn't yell, belittle me, coerce me,
anything. He just allows me to exist and be adored.  i've been writing so much sappy poetry lately
:) i have a concept i want to paint for him as a goodbye present and i'm
working on words to go with it.. i have a bunch of good lines running around in
my head that i can't put together. in the past i've written peices i liked
which consisted of memories put together into lines that make no sense to
anyone else. the best inside joke of all time. its not working now though.
Whenever i sit down with a pencil and paper i think of leaving him and my tears
just fall.

 Whenever i try to talk to him about
leaving i start sobbing, which takes the conversation nowhere. my tears are my
defense mechanism i think, because whenever i can't express whats in my head i
always start crying. i cry and take whatever it is the person is saying instead
of stating my opinion.   this last week
will be really hard for me i think because everything is marred by the fact
that i'm leaving. i have to sit down my 3 yearold neice and tell her about it,
because last time i went away for a week i forget to tell her and she was so
mad at me. she wouldn't talk to me for almost 2 weeks.. her words are beautiful
though, because she can't say all of her consonants. She calls me Suuuueeeee
(yes like the pigs) and if i'm sleeping in, she'll jump on my head and make me
watch cartoons with her.   you're right
-- once i get to basic training i'll be so busy running and trying to stay ahead
of the game i won't have time to be sad. can't wait :)

~ by manjamanis on September 22, 2008.

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