‘betrayal’

you say __________.

when i say

‘depression’

you say __________.

speak to me hoss, explain yourself. i’m struggling to understand humanity here; trying to remember courtesy. what does it mean when you say ‘love’ and then your hand drives a serrated blade between my lungs, pause, twist, then repeat? how does that work?

‘but i’ve changed’ you said.
‘i won’t manipulate you anymore’ you said.
‘i’ve learned how to listen’ you said.

fuck me, right? fuck me for being a stupid trusting idiot. no, no, it’s cool. don’t appologize. i understand. excuse me while i go sew black cross stitched exes across my lips; don’t mind me while i go filet my heart and dip it in acid.

love you too.

i have this phobia/semi-belief that i am forgettable.. so i find it incredibly flattering when people remember me.

except for like now, when i can’t do anything about it. if you could just forget that i existed? because bringing it up again teases me that maybe, just maybe i was actually good enough. and that maybe i got fucked over.

on a side note, i hate it when Yank shops, because then i start to want to shop too. and then i start buying things. when i’m supposed to be saving. damn her.

i’m beginning to think that Alabama has a whole network of spies fans around the globe that are all focused on my captain and his being here. his wonderful family sent him us a cake today, rice crispy (mmmm) and decorated in freaking Alabama colors with gd RollTide on it. of course.

Yank bribed me to come into the office on my low battle rhythm day by telling me that i’d recieved two packages. very sneaky. as i’m walking down the hall, i hear her counting ‘one…..two…..threeeeee…SURPRISE!!!!!!!!’

our efforts towards the war

we…were nominated to take charge of our whole units entry into the Thanksgiving Day parade here.. it appears that our Capt loves to decorate for holidays.. Sgt Jung claims he does it all for the boy.. just asked Yank if she liked holidays and she mutely nodded (while Capt yelled, ’she loves holidays you scrooge!’).

yes, boys and girls, i am the Scrooge of the office. the last holiday i celebrated with people i was related to was last Thanksgiving, and before that was in like 2004. i don’t like to decorate because then you have to UN-decorate. i figure once i have kids then i’ll put on some shit for them, but in the meantime, meh.

anyways, our gator’s theme was Christmas! yay!

i was in a…undeniably cranky mood when i got in.

then, thanks to my incredible google skillz, i found some outstanding new websites!

a whole one dedicated to epic fails!

emails from crazy people

it made my day – and ohhhhmannnn do i have some things to submit to that one!

xx

a friend of mine wrote a story about a group of military types and how their whole operation moves like an orchestra. he suggested to me that perhaps i make a bombs exploding, planes flying, rahrah video to some amazing classical music. i <3 the idea!

the trick now is to find a good song (not so popular that you want to gag, but still chock-full of exciting beats) and some kickass footage. i have cool explosions and people running, plus some air drop stuff, and helicopter flight, but not enough good clips to fill a 4ish minute song.

trivia about the video world – the average person’s attention span is between 5-7 seconds, which mean i have to make a cut before i lose their attention. aka, a shot only lasts about 4 seconds. and it takes a whole lot of sorting through bad video to come up with those 3 or 4 seconds of amazing.

i don’t have anything better to do anyways…